THE SECRET TO A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE  

The doorbell rang. I quickly glanced in the mirror one final time before heading to the door.

There he stood: tall, chocolate, and muscular! Okay not really…Michael Jordan was already taken. Instead he was an average height, thin (almost frail), and his face had a sweat induced sheen. Although this description is less than flattering, thankfully, he was handsome.

As we left my house he said, “You look better than I remember (we’d had a brief introduction a year earlier).” I rolled my eyes. It was going to be a long night.

We went to a nice restaurant that night; however, I don’t recall what we ate. What I remember is that prior to entering the restaurant a homeless man asked Kwabs for money or food. He didn’t have cash but after dinner he went back to the man and gave him a meal.

A colleague of mine and former high-school classmate of Kwabs introduced us. He referred to Kwabs as the nicest guy he knew; I was instantly intrigued. He eagerly gave me Kwabs’ email address, house phone number, cell phone number, fax number, and work number. It’s a wonder he didn’t give me his social security number as well.

I was impressed by Kwabs from our initial conversation. He was smart: we discussed current events, debated religion, and talked about the future. He was athletic and liked to jog…past me. And he was handy-as evidenced by hardwood floors he laid in his house. As I got to know him better, I discovered how organized he was: each month he posted an itemized bill/spreadsheet on his roommate’s door outlining, to the penny, all of the expenses for which his roommate was responsible (toilet paper $2.01).

I fell in love with my husband because of who he is at the core. I believe good marriages are based, in part, on common values, mutually admirable character traits, and at least a few similar interests. Those are the things that sustain us.

And yet…marriage is HARD. Social media misleads people to believe marriage is a virtual bed of roses. In reality most people, myself included, don’t post about the blood, sweat and tears that go into making marriages last. We don’t check-in when we visit marriage counselors (we’ve seen one). We don’t write status updates when, in fits of anger and frustration, we slam doors and yell about unwashed dishes, unbathed-kids, and rooms that resemble the aftermath of a typhoon (I’ve done it). But that doesn’t mean those things don’t happen.

I once heard someone say that marriage is like the stock market: It has its ups and downs and those who succeed are those who choose to stick around to the end.

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This week Kwabs and I celebrated 8 years of marriage. I loved him beyond measure when we got married and I love him even more today. His commitment and love for our boys, Max and Myles, is even greater than I imagined when I said, “I do.” Although our marriage has not always been easy we are committed to riding the marriage roller coaster until death do us part…which may come as a result of one of us killing the other.

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As I reflected on my anniversary this week, I decided to sew something for our home instead of clothes. I made pillow covers for our family room and bedroom. What do you think is the secret to successful relationships? What do you think of the pillow covers?

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14 thoughts on “THE SECRET TO A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE  

  1. Congratulations for celebrating 8 years of marriage! Thank you for sharing the realities of marriage. I guess my husband is right….sometimes. He made a pretty good match with you and Kwabena.

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  2. You’re absolutely correct. Marriage is a roller coaster and I’ve been riding it for forty years. Some days I can’t live with him but usually I don’t want to live without him. Happy anniversary to two wonderful people.

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    1. You deserve an award! 40 years is commendable. I think most married people feel the same way. There are definitely days when we both wonder what we have gotten ourselves into. However, like you, most days we realize we are blessed to have each other. Thanks for reading!

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  3. Camile – -Very precious, honest reflections over the last eight years of marriage.Again congrats!!! And yes, I love the pillows What a nice gift to commerate your anniversary.

    Love you Aunt Gwen Sent from my Verizon 4G LTE Smartphone

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  4. Congratulations!!! After being married for 18 years I can say that one of the biggest secrets to a successful marriage is compromise. For all of us “Type A” people, when you have a laid-back or less aggressive spouse, it can seem they move too slow or are not as involved as you are. Not true. Deciding what is really important and letting go of the rest will save your sanity! He didn’t do the dishes but he mopped (win). He did the laundry but left it in the washer (half-win) LOL!

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  5. Love it. There is nothing perfect about marriage or the people joined together by it. Its a daily work in progress. I like the half wins too. Good point. I enjoy reading every blog and comment. Keep it comung you guys. Congrats Camille and Kwabs. Think I will go pop my son up side his head for making me miss your wedding that day……LoL
    *Thank God for the f.b. pics*

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