The doorbell rang. I quickly glanced in the mirror one final time before heading to the door.
There he stood: tall, chocolate, and muscular! Okay not really…Michael Jordan was already taken. Instead he was an average height, thin (almost frail), and his face had a sweat induced sheen. Although this description is less than flattering, thankfully, he was handsome.
As we left my house he said, “You look better than I remember (we’d had a brief introduction a year earlier).” I rolled my eyes. It was going to be a long night.
We went to a nice restaurant that night; however, I don’t recall what we ate. What I remember is that prior to entering the restaurant a homeless man asked Kwabs for money or food. He didn’t have cash but after dinner he went back to the man and gave him a meal.
A colleague of mine and former high-school classmate of Kwabs introduced us. He referred to Kwabs as the nicest guy he knew; I was instantly intrigued. He eagerly gave me Kwabs’ email address, house phone number, cell phone number, fax number, and work number. It’s a wonder he didn’t give me his social security number as well.
I was impressed by Kwabs from our initial conversation. He was smart: we discussed current events, debated religion, and talked about the future. He was athletic and liked to jog…past me. And he was handy-as evidenced by hardwood floors he laid in his house. As I got to know him better, I discovered how organized he was: each month he posted an itemized bill/spreadsheet on his roommate’s door outlining, to the penny, all of the expenses for which his roommate was responsible (toilet paper $2.01).
I fell in love with my husband because of who he is at the core. I believe good marriages are based, in part, on common values, mutually admirable character traits, and at least a few similar interests. Those are the things that sustain us.
And yet…marriage is HARD. Social media misleads people to believe marriage is a virtual bed of roses. In reality most people, myself included, don’t post about the blood, sweat and tears that go into making marriages last. We don’t check-in when we visit marriage counselors (we’ve seen one). We don’t write status updates when, in fits of anger and frustration, we slam doors and yell about unwashed dishes, unbathed-kids, and rooms that resemble the aftermath of a typhoon (I’ve done it). But that doesn’t mean those things don’t happen.
I once heard someone say that marriage is like the stock market: It has its ups and downs and those who succeed are those who choose to stick around to the end.
This week Kwabs and I celebrated 8 years of marriage. I loved him beyond measure when we got married and I love him even more today. His commitment and love for our boys, Max and Myles, is even greater than I imagined when I said, “I do.” Although our marriage has not always been easy we are committed to riding the marriage roller coaster until death do us part…which may come as a result of one of us killing the other.
As I reflected on my anniversary this week, I decided to sew something for our home instead of clothes. I made pillow covers for our family room and bedroom. What do you think is the secret to successful relationships? What do you think of the pillow covers?