I, dressed in a suit and heels, stood in front of the bench, with a box of Kleenex strategically placed nearby. I knew I was going to need it.

“Ms. Lindsay, what is your client’s position?” asked the impatient Judge.

I quickly reached into the box, grabbed a piece of Kleenex, and vigorously wiped my mouth before hurriedly responding.

That scene repeated itself over and over again throughout the course of my pregnancy. I constantly had a piece of Kleenex in front of my mouth: At the store, in the office, in court, in church . . . everywhere. I simply could not stop drooling. I went through hundreds of boxes of Kleenex over the life of my pregnancy. The alternative, as suggested by my mom, was to carry a “spit-cup.” Oh, the horror!


To say that I had the pregnancy from hell is an understatement. I did not have morning sickness. I had morning, noon, and night sickness for my entire pregnancy. I drooled every day; I vomited every day; I cried every day; I lost weight. I slept with a towel under my head and a garbage can beside my bed. I drove with garbage bags in the passenger seat and had to pull over on more than one occasion and use them. I rushed to the hospital multiple times, one of which was so that I could receive intravenous fluids due to severe dehydration.

I was miserable. I remember singing old spirituals because I swore I was dying. “Swing low, Sweet Chariot coming for to carry me home.” I begged God and the doctor to take the baby early and broke down in tears when they both refused.

In the final weeks of my pregnancy, I solicited advice on how to bring on labor. Instead of taking the elevator, I walked up and down 14 flights of stairs to our home. I drank disgusting homemade concoctions. As a last ditch effort I begged a midwife to come to my home and work her magic. It worked: I went into labor that night. I will forever be grateful to her. I thought about naming our firstborn after her, but that would have been weird: I was having a boy.

We rushed to the hospital the night my contractions began only to be told I had to have an unplanned and unwanted cesarean section. I thought to myself “why me?” And then, while lying on the operating table, I vomited one last time. Amazingly, later that evening every single pregnancy related side-effect ended. I then waved at my beautiful baby… as he was carried to the nursery.

Don’t judge me. I hadn’t had a full night’s sleep in almost 9 months.

This weekend my baby, Max, turns 5 years old. It is hard to believe how quickly time has passed. When I look at him my heart swells with love and pride. I understand why parents say, “I brought you in this world and I will take you out” when children misbehave: There was nothing easy or beautiful about the process of bringing him into the world. It is unthinkable that he will one day intentionally defy or disappoint me in spite of my sacrifices . . . and yet I know that he will.

Who am I kidding? He already intentionally defies me at times.


As I planned his 5th birthday party this week and discussed his long list of wants, I decided to make a clutch purse for myself. I saw a picture of a similar bag on Instagram and knew that I had to have one of my own. What do you think of the clutch? Was your pregnancy everything you expected it to be?



  1. How well do I remember the same salivating struggle!!! It was one of my Worst pregnancy expierences! It was something that caught me by surprise because it was rare and unheard of by my family and friends. The other pregnancies were all different. God’s grace and the blessing of the soon to be born baby is what kept me going. 9 months at times seem to be an eternity ! It’s amazing how we sometimes forget the struggles of pregnancy after the little one is born. As always you look quite stylish in your Chicago winter outfit and the bag is the “icing” on the cake. Moms can rock also, with babies and all!!


    1. I kept hoping mine would get better and it never did. I also hoped that my second pregnancy would be better and unfortunately it was more of the same and another c-section. I had no idea that pregnancy could be so difficult. I always envisioned it would be a wonderful time but so many women have told me they can relate to my story.


  2. I had 2 really hard pregnancies. The first , I was sick all the time and had constant UTIs. The second was a high risk twin pregnancy, where I was also sick, out in bed rest, and delivered at 25 weeks. Luckily, all my boys are healthy and so worth it.


    1. Your boys are adorable. I am glad they are healthy…it is always worth it in the end. I just don’t think people realize, prior to getting pregnant themselves, how difficult it can be. I certainly didn’t.


  3. Thanks for sharing. I too was hospitalized with my pregnancy at 9weeks with severe vomiting/hyperemesis Gravidarum. They doctors surgically placed dual port tube in my chest to provide me with nutrition and the other to draw blood. The tube got infected hence, they removed it but, replaced it with an NG tube through my nose which served as my nutrition. I remained in the hospital because of the continues vomiting and later getting pre-eclampsia/ high blood pressure. from 9 weeks – 32 weeks I remained hospitalized. I pray ed to God everyday to give me strength and to watch over my baby. My husband was there everyday he stayed the night pretty much every night unless I kicked him out lol. Hailey was born at 32 weeks 4 pounds healthy. She couldn’t eat so she remained in the hospital with a feeding tube for one week. Like mother like daughter lol. She is now a 19 year amazing young girl Hailey Hoye.
    I have also provided a support link below for anyone you may know that is going through this. God bless you and have an amazing day!


    1. Amazing! I am so glad to hear everything turned out well. I was also diagnosed with hyperemesis gradvidarum. It was truly awful but like you I am grateful that my baby was healthy. It was a rough time for sure but today we are celebrating his 5th birthday. Thanks for sharing the link. I would have loved to have more information when I was pregnant.


  4. You forgot to mention how you would get sick in your friends car. Or that you’d go weeks eating the same thing over and over again, if you decided to eat. I remember when they put him in your arms. It was like those 8 or so months of sickness never happened. I think everyone celebrated Max’s birth for different reasons.


  5. I don’t have kids and not sure if we will, but to be honest if we do decide to pregnancy is something I’m absolutely dreading. I already have trouble sleeping and get random nausea, so I can only imagine how much worse it would be! Glad you got a beautiful healthy boy out of it though 🙂


    1. I definitely don’t want to scare you but it can be really difficult. Of course there are many women who absolutely love the experience. Either way the baby makes it worth it in the end. My last post was about how I didn’t want kids either so I totally understand your hesitancy to have any. I wish you the best either way.


  6. I was fortunate with mine, asides the inconvenience of logging all that extra weight and getting easily exhausted I had a fairly easy one but still nothing beats post pregnancy. You are looking fabulous


  7. Not everyone glows their entire pregnancy like they lead you to believe! It’s difficult for many people. I certainly wasn’t one of the glowing. Thanks for sharing your story!


  8. I didn’t know drooling was something that came with pregnancy actually! But I feel ya on some of the other stuff – my pregnancy right now had been so easy until the last week, all of a sudden he’s on my sciatic nerve and I can barely walk and am miserable! And go you for being in court while pregnant!


    1. Yes ma’am. It is awful. It’s called pytalism. I discovered my mom had it with me and every once in a while another woman would stop me and tell me they remembered having the same side effect. Congrats on your pregnancy! That’s exciting news. Sorry it’s uncomfortable. I hope he will move over so you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.


      1. Yeah, neither of mine were easy either. Being pregnant means I can’t be a good mom to my kids, I’d rather sped time with them and remember them at this age then miss it! Sorry yours were rough too. That really stinks!


    1. Sorry! Fortunately many people have great pregnancies. I think the best indication of what yours will be like is your mom’s experience. My mom had many of the same symptoms I had. All the best and thanks for reading.


  9. Ugh, I feel your pain girl. I had HG with my first pregnancy and joke (sort of joke?) that I have pregnancy PTSD. I lost 33 lbs while pregnant and was sick every day from 5 weeks 3 days until she was born. From 9 weeks (and post ER trip for IV fluids) until she was born I took Zofran to be able to keep fluids down. I didn’t know how strong I was until I got through that! My saving grace was my sister, who has made it through 4 HG pregnancies, as she talked me off a ledge many times. I think she is super woman for having 4 kids with pregnancies like that, haha. It’s amazing what a mothers love can do. Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Bday to Max! 💕


    1. I cannot believe your sister had HG four times. My hat goes off to her. I cannot do it again. Zofran didn’t even work for me. I agree with you…I didn’t know my own strength until I made it through two horrible pregnancies. Happy Thanksgiving to you as well.


  10. wow, You are a trooper! Everything makes it worth it after seeing his little face right? I on the other hand, have had great pregnancies. I felt great and didn’t have morning sickness. I know pregnancies differs from person to person, but atleast it’s just a memory now. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving and Happy birthday to your son!


    1. Thanks for reading. Lucky you. I’m so envious of women who have had wonderful pregnancies. I would love to have happy memories of the experience. I agree when I saw his face it was worth it. Happy holidays to you and your family.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s